stanley was a planetarium presenter who heard about the green arrow society, and decided to trade in his boring laser pointer for a certified green pointer arrow. he placed his order with a popular mail order service named after a south american river that didnt start with A, and awaited its delivery. when it arrived however stanley was disconcerted to discover through a slip of his PLACE ORDER finger, he had ordered the wrong pointer .. he got an enormous red pointer instead of a normal sized green pointer, which upon closer inspection proved to be OUT OF STOCK INDEFINITELY SORRY. wondering what to do, stanley contacted a local witch he believed had certain 'powers' of transformation (remember is a fairy story, and transformative powered witches are not only allowed but encouraged) when the witch arrived, she immediately saw stanleys problem and held out her hand for her usual transformative fee, paid in advance. after stanley reluctantly forked over the cash, the witch cast a spell with a wave of her wand and POOF, stanleys huge red arrow was magically transformed into a perfectly sized arrow pointer. but it was still red. aware that this would NOT get him into the green arrow society, which he coveted, he grew irate and leveled a charge of semi-incompetence at the increasingly agitated withc. I SAID GREEN! he shouted, at which she indignantly waved her wand and purred ' wait 24 hours' and left hurriedly. one day later, stanley awoke and his arrow was still red. he got to his green feet, examined his green face, and began to frown ......
the moral of the story is: be careful WITCH green you mean!
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gares dome was sagging, and he was tired of trying to prop it up. well meaning patrons of Gares Planetarium and Bait Shop tried to help, many times they'd come in, grab 2 dozen minnows and see a quick star show before going fishing. as a business model, it just worked. but gares dome was sagging, have i mentioned that? i did, ok. gare had build his dome out of local materials - mostly discarded minnow trap netting he had used for years. after patrons however complained more and more, he decided using a 2 by 4 just was cutting it .. so he called in professional help. he'd heard about a local witch who specialized in arrow transformations (yes THAT same witch, what a coindidence), so he called her in. she looked around and complained about the fishy smell, but t hat couldnt be helped. inexplicably however, she produced out of her robes 9she wore flowing robes, have i mentioned that) .. she produced out of an inner pocket a chicken and several eggs, freshly laid from all appearances. here's use this chicken, plus you can scramble the eggs on the side, you could open a drive thru window. and with that, shaking her head, she was gone. she really needed to upgrade her clientell she had muttered as she left. eyeing the chicken, gare just couldnt see it however. Gares Planetarium and Bait Shop was all that would fit on his sign out front - he couldnt add 'and Waffle House too' very easily. but as his latest 2 by 4 had already fallen, he thought he would give the chicken a try, snce she seemed to be between eggs. she held up her end of the dome nicely though, so all was temporarily at least well. which just goes to show
the hen is indeed mightier than the board
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oe ran the only planetarium in the Enchanted Forest, which means he gave shows to a mixed bag of creatures. oh there were normal people, but almost always his shows had ummm .. well. there was the unicorn show - that didnt go well at all did it. except fr the back row, every other unicorn kept getting poked in a most inconvenient manner. the leprecons kept sliding in between the seats, often all joe could see was the very tops of their pointed little hats .. joe doubted they were seeing many stars in his show. but then there were the frogs, you know, the princes turned to frogs who were just one kiss away from transforming into a handsome suitor, who would go on to live happily ever after with the brave princess who kissed them. the frogs were challenging, and after one particularly trying starshow, joes pal bruce walked into joes theater after the show. ha ha ha said bruce, somewhat cruelly... i hope none of them tried to kiss YOU... did any of them croak har har joe just smiled and said 'not a one bruce' 'not a one' but bruce went on ... did they give you any warts ha ha ha ... bruce was just being nasty, bt he finally relented and asked joe how the frog show went. joe smiled, looked at hs friend, and and smoothly intoned... they loved it bruce .. in fact, they said they found it rivet ing rivetinng rivertinggg.
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gares planetarium business had fallen on hard times, so he began branching out into other events just to make ends meet. he found, in the enchanted forest, there was a killing to be made in performing weddiings amonth the various mythological creatures found there, so he completed a quick home study course in becoming a wedding minister. these things happen in fairy tales. after 6 short weeks gare was ready to supplement his income and perform cermonies in his newsly dubbed 'ye old wedding chapel and star thing too;
his very first wedding however gare got into trouble. the winged horse pegasus wanted to get married, but couldnt decided between three lovely lady mates, all daughters of a wise old winged steed who wanted to marry them all off. but pegasus just couldnt decide, he came in, dressed in his best horse tuxedo, but went back and forth trying to decide which one he would wed. finally he broke down and couldnt make the decision . and gare had to call off the wedding. his new business in the star chamber wasnt off to a good start.
it just goes to show though, you can lead a horse to daughters, but you cant make him think
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gares planetarium show in the enchanted forest was going quite swimmingly until, ironically, his spirits sank without a trace... his favorite effect, the twirling wheel of fire, wouldnt twirl when he hit the button! the effect was meant to show stars 'going down the drain' into a massive black hole, depicted by a .. massic black hole in his dome - he loved high techie effects. the crowd of visitors seemed let down when the twirling light bulbs failed to twirl .. the trolls in the back even muttered something about bad reviews on facebook they were already writing - when gare felt a tug on his pants leg. looking down, he saw a tiny fairy holding out something ... aware that he needed to do something fast, he lifted up the fairy, who had a tiny name badge on that said something very much like stinker bell .. the fairly had a white powdery substance in a tiny crescent shaped cup - and in a tiny voice the tiny fairy tinileely said .. put this sugar in some water and use it to unstick your whirly bulb thing ... with that she (he thought the fairy was a she, but only they know the difference), flew back to her seat - and with an impending riot on his hands, gare hastily dumped it in a glass of water he had handy,. then quickly poured it into the gearbox of his stuck special effect. and fairy magic occurred! the crowd began to ooh and ah once again as gares twirling light bulbs came alive - he and his show had been saved! it just goes to show the old maxim is true
a moonful of sugar indeed helps the edisons go round ..
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gare's enchanted forest planetarium and massage parlor (around back) had a big problem, and the crowd of patrons was restless. Just like every other time. His projector didnt work anymore - the crowd tried to help. Doris, a small enchanted cow who walked on her hind hooves (because thats what enchanted cows DO) sauntered up and suggested replacing the light bulb, but gare had just done that 10 years ago, so he knew that couldnt be it. Doris returned to her seat, vaguely annoyed. Who-Dini, a magic Owl who could talk but tragically preceded everything he uttered with WHO - who hi how are you... who me? - fluttered up and beat gares projector with his wings, hoping fruitlessly than he could fan it somehow back into action. No dice. Who-Dini muttered something that sounded very much like WHO-BOY and returned to his seat. finally Billy, the enchanted Goat wound his way to where Gare was scratching his head - he grabbed the end of the cord, which had pulled out of the wall socket, and butted it back into place - and voila! gares proijector was back in business - his show was saved! it just goes to show doesnt it
where theres a bill, theres a way
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gare's enchanted forest planetarium finally got some competition when fred opened a competing dome down in a bad part of the woods. freds business was soon booming though, and with no visitor standards whatsoever, he soon had a wide variety of questionable types visting his planetarium.. there were vampires, monsters, and even mummies attending his rather dark shows. but even he ran into problems occasionally. - at one show a particular fred was repeatedly interrupted by one particularly troublesome monster in the 2nd row, who, egged on by his date beside him, began howling at Freds simulated moon in his sky. unamused, fred tried to reason with the fiend, but to no avail. finally fred put his foot down and told the howling one he had to leave, and take his equally annoying sweetie with him. surprisingly, the problematic duo willingly left the star chamber, much to fred's relief. good riddance! thought fred. and it just went show no worries
a ghoul and his honey are soon departed..
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stans home planetarium was in his own backyard, you know, like we like to see. this was in a fairly diverse neighborhood in the suburbs of blehblehbleh city, which everyone knows is very trendy. stan fearlessly gave star shows throughout the winter months, since his facility had a nice heat pump, all electric dont you know. but one day, stan's star show had only just begun when a chll breeze began to blow through his star chamber - his heat pump had failed, and there was no hope of fixing it until morning. stans crowd was a a large mixture from a nearby scandinavian borough of the city, including norwegians, swedes, and fins. undaunted yet concerned, gare endeavored to speed up his star show, but inevitably patrons began heading early for the exits.. gares theater, sporting a huge sawed off water tower tank on stilts which he used for a dome, was almost empty as he began to wrap up. finally he brought up the lights and was surprised to see only the Finnish men still in their by now super chilled seats. At the close of the show gare thanked them individually, praised their endurance, and escorted them out of the now frigid chamber. He smiled to himself and noted that once again the old adage had proven true
finish guys ice last ....
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business had tapered off at Gares Enchant This! Planetarium in the NOT THAT MAGIC ANYMORE forest, ever since he had added the 'oil change while you watch the show' feature for patrons. Combining the two disparate businesses had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now gare wasnt so sure. .. more than once he had mixed up the functions and wjhile his patrons car sat next door unattended, he had instead mistakenly pumped new oil into his star projector, which, as the tip stick showed, had too much already. grae even had begun mistakenly calling the big dipper the big oil pan, further confusing what few attendees he had left. Finally he combined the two businesses under one roof, having oil change customers simply pull into the star chamber and look at the stars out the window while he attended to business under the hood. Now gare never gets his projector and customers car mixed up in the dark - you might say ..
he keeps his dipsticks straight....
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